How I Know I'm Getting Old

I wrote a cranky Facebook post about the incorrect grammar usage in the title “America’s Got Talent.” 

“You’ve Got Mail” came out in 1998. I was 15 years younger and not nearly as incensed.

I saw Bonnie McKee perform on Good Morning America. I had no idea who she was and I Googled her just so I could complain to my co-workers about her trashy outfit.

Pretty soon I’ll be yelling at my co-workers to turn down that music! And get off my lawn!

I went to see a 1950’s exhibit at the Ohio Historical Society. The main draw for me was being able to walk through a Lustron house. In one of the metal drawers in that Lustron house was a small paper book pasted full of S&H Green Stamps. I mentioned this to three co-workers at lunch. Not one of them knew what I was talking about. Not one.

I need to stop talking so much around my co-workers.

I’d like to say that my grandmother collected S & H Green Stamps, and maybe she did. But I did, too, and I used them to get a card table and four folding chairs right after I got married.

See, you got stamps when you bought groceries. You saved them in a book until you had enough to redeem them and – oh, the hell with it. You don't care.

I was looking at my bill from a recent trip to the dermatologist and one diagnosis was “solar lentigines.” She hadn’t mentioned that, so I Googled it, too. It’s liver spots. That’s right, liver spots.

I look at all these “solar lentigines” on my hands and wonder if they still sell Porcelana. I’m willing to bet money  you don’t even know what Porcelana is.

Why don’t you Google it, whippersnapper?