Monday afternoon stupor.
I try to be a trooper
But my eyes refuse to focus.
Monday afternoon daze.
My eyes will not unglaze
I need a Starbucks jamochas.
Monday afternoon shirk.
Had best get back to work
I don’t want to end up broke-us.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wasting Time on Facebook
I published this on Facebook and got some positive feedback, so I thought I'd post it here. There aren't really 99 things. Don't let that scare you off.
99 Things You Might Not Know About Me
99 Things You Might Not Know About Me
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Had a car door closed on my finger when I was a kid. My sister-in-law told me to move my hand and I didn't. I was a rebel. A scarred rebel.
Had a car door closed on my finger when I was a kid. My sister-in-law told me to move my hand and I didn't. I was a rebel. A scarred rebel.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
paint, pictures, probably cobwebs
paint, pictures, probably cobwebs
3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
yes. all three. don't share a hotel room with me.
4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Mostly old stuff - like Motown - but occasionally I've been know to "do the Helen Keller and talk with my hips"
Mostly old stuff - like Motown - but occasionally I've been know to "do the Helen Keller and talk with my hips"
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
midday I believe (accommodating even then)
midday I believe (accommodating even then)
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
One more day before going back to work
One more day before going back to work
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
my mind
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
I don't know - most of my stuff is crap
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'7" (are you really paying attention?)
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
only when I feel trapped and closed in
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
no, I'm not six
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
the last person that scared me in the dark
13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
zombie attacks
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
dark ('cause I'm not afraid of it)
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
on top of the ice when hell freezes over
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
coffee is an energy drink
17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
pepperoni, mushrooms, double cheese, mmmmmmm pizza
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
well, now I'm thinking about pizza
19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
right now I'm in my blue period
20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
I like sushi, so you never know
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
I don't know - most of my stuff is crap
22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Jack Bauer - I can't help it
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
once at a party in the seventies, but I didn't inhale
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Lane Bryant (I'm not stupid. Who knows who'll read this?)
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
why? you can't hear me. I could write a number, but I'm not going to.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
I'm not sure what this means...maybe only Clairol knows (that's for all you old folks out there - only her hairdresser knows for sure)
32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"what goes around, comes around"
33. FAVORITE PLACE?
there's no place like home, unless it's a really great hotel with room service and free movies
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
yes, I did some time in a Turkish prison
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
inane Facebook quizzes
36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
not really - I shook Buster Douglas's hand once, then I brought him to his knees
37. FIRST JOB?
grocery store working for an *ss. turns out it was good training
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
No. By the way, do you have Prince Albert in the can?
39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
no. everyone out there has a cellphone, but not a soulmate
40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
cleaning my house, that's why this seemed fun
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my freakin' good nature
43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
no, in my day if we had knarly awful teeth, we lived with it
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
braces
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
I want three, but I'm think that's getting less likely
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after my parents, but before my children
47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
anybody that doesn't love puppies, rainbows and a walk on the beach
48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
graduation
49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
depends on who I'm shampooing...
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
no, but I'm fond of my typing
51. WHAT KIND OF LUNCH MEAT DO YOU LIKE?
bacon - it's the nitratiest!
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
bacon - it's the nitratiest!
53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
only if their stuff is better than mine
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
no - my house isn't clean, my stuff is mostly crap and I spend too much time on inane Facebook quizzes
55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
I agree with the benefits of friends
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
no, but smells do
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M ANGRY?????????
58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
who would want to gain 58 pounds? Even if you were down to 72 pounds because of some awful illness, you don't need 58. 30 would do. I hate this quiz.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
fire
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Sorry, I can't do this anymore...99 is too many things. I quit.
62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Not as much as Andy and Opie. (sorry, it was too easy, I couldn't quit...)
63. Do you use sarcasm?
like I need to tell you that
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
depends on the wine
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Well, I guess you'd look for androgynous traits in a guy/girl...
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
really, I'm done, this is stupid...
my mind
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
I don't know - most of my stuff is crap
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'7" (are you really paying attention?)
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
only when I feel trapped and closed in
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
no, I'm not six
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
the last person that scared me in the dark
13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
zombie attacks
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
dark ('cause I'm not afraid of it)
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
on top of the ice when hell freezes over
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
coffee is an energy drink
17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
pepperoni, mushrooms, double cheese, mmmmmmm pizza
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
well, now I'm thinking about pizza
19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
right now I'm in my blue period
20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
I like sushi, so you never know
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
I don't know - most of my stuff is crap
22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Jack Bauer - I can't help it
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
once at a party in the seventies, but I didn't inhale
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Lane Bryant (I'm not stupid. Who knows who'll read this?)
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
why? you can't hear me. I could write a number, but I'm not going to.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
I'm not sure what this means...maybe only Clairol knows (that's for all you old folks out there - only her hairdresser knows for sure)
32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"what goes around, comes around"
33. FAVORITE PLACE?
there's no place like home, unless it's a really great hotel with room service and free movies
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
yes, I did some time in a Turkish prison
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
inane Facebook quizzes
36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
not really - I shook Buster Douglas's hand once, then I brought him to his knees
37. FIRST JOB?
grocery store working for an *ss. turns out it was good training
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
No. By the way, do you have Prince Albert in the can?
39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
no. everyone out there has a cellphone, but not a soulmate
40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
cleaning my house, that's why this seemed fun
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my freakin' good nature
43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
no, in my day if we had knarly awful teeth, we lived with it
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
braces
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
I want three, but I'm think that's getting less likely
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after my parents, but before my children
47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
anybody that doesn't love puppies, rainbows and a walk on the beach
48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
graduation
49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
depends on who I'm shampooing...
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
no, but I'm fond of my typing
51. WHAT KIND OF LUNCH MEAT DO YOU LIKE?
bacon - it's the nitratiest!
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
bacon - it's the nitratiest!
53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
only if their stuff is better than mine
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
no - my house isn't clean, my stuff is mostly crap and I spend too much time on inane Facebook quizzes
55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
I agree with the benefits of friends
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
no, but smells do
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M ANGRY?????????
58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
who would want to gain 58 pounds? Even if you were down to 72 pounds because of some awful illness, you don't need 58. 30 would do. I hate this quiz.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
fire
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Sorry, I can't do this anymore...99 is too many things. I quit.
62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Not as much as Andy and Opie. (sorry, it was too easy, I couldn't quit...)
63. Do you use sarcasm?
like I need to tell you that
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
depends on the wine
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Well, I guess you'd look for androgynous traits in a guy/girl...
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
really, I'm done, this is stupid...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Ode to Samantha
There are yellow labs
and chocolate labs.
Sam's a chocolate-thieving
yellow lab
who ate fudge overnight.
It didn't kill her...
but I might.
and chocolate labs.
Sam's a chocolate-thieving
yellow lab
who ate fudge overnight.
It didn't kill her...
but I might.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Dead Celebrities
A few random thoughts:
Ed McMahon
I expect to soon see an editorial cartoon with Ed at the pearly gates and Saint Peter saying "Heeeerrrrre's Ed!"
Farrah Fawcett
A true 70s icon. Hard to believe now, but her famous swimsuit poster was scandalous because her nipples were hard.
Michael Jackson
Like my friend at work said: "the dude was a genius."
Billy Mays
Brought high energy to high energy. Use Billy when it absolutely, positively had to be sold overnight.
Karl Malden
Great character actor, probably taught Michael Douglas a thing or two. Proof positive that even if you need a nose job, it's not always a good idea to get one.
Mollie Sugden
If you don't know, she was Mrs. Slocombe on "Are You Being Served?". Funny hair. Funny double entendres about her pussy. If the Brits own the market on innuendo, then Mrs. Slocombe was the primary shareholder.
Ed McMahon
I expect to soon see an editorial cartoon with Ed at the pearly gates and Saint Peter saying "Heeeerrrrre's Ed!"
Farrah Fawcett
A true 70s icon. Hard to believe now, but her famous swimsuit poster was scandalous because her nipples were hard.
Michael Jackson
Like my friend at work said: "the dude was a genius."
Billy Mays
Brought high energy to high energy. Use Billy when it absolutely, positively had to be sold overnight.
Karl Malden
Great character actor, probably taught Michael Douglas a thing or two. Proof positive that even if you need a nose job, it's not always a good idea to get one.
Mollie Sugden
If you don't know, she was Mrs. Slocombe on "Are You Being Served?". Funny hair. Funny double entendres about her pussy. If the Brits own the market on innuendo, then Mrs. Slocombe was the primary shareholder.
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