I wrote a cranky Facebook post about the incorrect grammar
usage in the title “America’s Got Talent.”
“You’ve Got Mail” came out in 1998.
I was 15 years younger and not nearly as incensed.
I saw Bonnie McKee perform on Good Morning America. I had no
idea who she was and I Googled her just so I could complain to my co-workers
about her trashy outfit.
Pretty soon I’ll be yelling at my co-workers to turn down
that music! And get off my lawn!
I went to see a 1950’s exhibit at the Ohio Historical
Society. The main draw for me was being able to walk through a Lustron house.
In one of the metal drawers in that Lustron house was a small paper book pasted
full of S&H Green Stamps. I mentioned this to three co-workers at lunch.
Not one of them knew what I was talking about. Not one.
I need to stop talking so much around my co-workers.
I’d like to say that my grandmother collected S & H
Green Stamps, and maybe she did. But I did, too, and I used them to get a card
table and four folding chairs right after I got married.
See, you got stamps when you bought groceries. You saved
them in a book until you had enough to redeem them and – oh, the hell with it. You don't care.
I was looking at my bill from a recent trip to the
dermatologist and one diagnosis was “solar lentigines.” She hadn’t mentioned
that, so I Googled it, too. It’s liver spots. That’s right, liver spots.
I look at all these “solar lentigines” on my hands and
wonder if they still sell Porcelana. I’m willing to bet money you don’t even know what Porcelana is.
Why don’t you Google it, whippersnapper?
