In January, I published an email my employer received from an upset customer about a sweater. At the time, I didn't realize it was the first of a series.
Following is a real, unedited email we received about a bra. I only deleted our company name and the contact information so I can keep my job.
To M, it's author, the only thing I can say is just be thankful your bra didn't get all link ball.
"I hav been a faithful shopper of (company) in bra and jeans but very faithful n my bra only buy them here for the last15yrs hav started my daughter,however for the last yr and last week just purchase a bra always buy (company)i notice the quality of my bra is not good at all i pay good money for these bras from 38-42.00 for my bras every trip sometimes 2 or 3 at a time on sat bought a(company)went for a black didnt hav one but need a bra so i boihht abrown one1st disapointment, 2days later it slidind and flimpsy, very disatified, didnt want to take bac cause i wore it, butpls do sumtin my daughyer and friend has already tried somewher elsei feel bad after i bragged on these underwire bras, wat to do now, i stuck wit a bra that not workin time after time i feel like i invested in a bad deal for the last yr and last week, my contact if u even care is(deleted)well thanks anyway....m"
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Happy Birthday Joey
30 years ago today my son Joey was born. 30 years. I know, I was quite young to have a child. Nevertheless, I've found myself thinking about those early days with my first born, and one of my favorite stories ever.
My labor started on St. Patrick's Day. When it had progressed enough to head to the hospital, Joe (Joey’s dad) and I called to tell our parents. When Joe pulled the car into the circular drive of OSU Hospital to drop me off, we saw his parents waiting inside. They had beaten us there.
As it turned out, there wasn’t any hurry. I was in labor a long time. Joe and I, his parents and my parents ended up spending the night in the hospital, waiting for Joey. Joe and I walked the halls. The Gioffres and the Kolks played euchre in the waiting room. Everyone was tired and punchy.
Finally I was scheduled for a c-section and Joey was born. Joe went to the waiting room to tell our parents. This was back in the day before detailed untrasounds so Joe got to make the big announcement:
“It’s a boy…and he has the biggest balls I’ve ever seen.”
Always an interesting guy, that Joe.
But my mom fired right back: “Oh, he must take after the Kolks.”
She was a funny, funny woman.
That was March 18, 1981. The day we all met the sweet baby boy who was and is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Happy birthday, Joey!
My labor started on St. Patrick's Day. When it had progressed enough to head to the hospital, Joe (Joey’s dad) and I called to tell our parents. When Joe pulled the car into the circular drive of OSU Hospital to drop me off, we saw his parents waiting inside. They had beaten us there.
As it turned out, there wasn’t any hurry. I was in labor a long time. Joe and I, his parents and my parents ended up spending the night in the hospital, waiting for Joey. Joe and I walked the halls. The Gioffres and the Kolks played euchre in the waiting room. Everyone was tired and punchy.
Finally I was scheduled for a c-section and Joey was born. Joe went to the waiting room to tell our parents. This was back in the day before detailed untrasounds so Joe got to make the big announcement:
“It’s a boy…and he has the biggest balls I’ve ever seen.”
Always an interesting guy, that Joe.
But my mom fired right back: “Oh, he must take after the Kolks.”
She was a funny, funny woman.
That was March 18, 1981. The day we all met the sweet baby boy who was and is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Happy birthday, Joey!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
On the Birthday of Dr. Suess
I’ve loved Dr. Suess
from the very first time
I heard read aloud
his merry-ful rhymes
of the cat in the hat
and Bartholomew too
of oobleck and Yertle
and fish red and blue.
I’ve loved Dr. Suess
and I’ll sing out his praises
for Horton and Grinch
and the fun that he raises.
If I ran the circus
or I ran the zoo
I couldn’t do better
than Suess, could you?
I’ve loved Dr. Suess
I’ve loved him a lot
and some of his books
were the first that I got,
like Fox In Sox and
Hop on Pop,
I read and I read and
I never have stopped.
(I meant what I said and I said what I meant,
I’m Dr. Suess faithful one hundred percent)
from the very first time
I heard read aloud
his merry-ful rhymes
of the cat in the hat
and Bartholomew too
of oobleck and Yertle
and fish red and blue.
I’ve loved Dr. Suess
and I’ll sing out his praises
for Horton and Grinch
and the fun that he raises.
If I ran the circus
or I ran the zoo
I couldn’t do better
than Suess, could you?
I’ve loved Dr. Suess
I’ve loved him a lot
and some of his books
were the first that I got,
like Fox In Sox and
Hop on Pop,
I read and I read and
I never have stopped.
(I meant what I said and I said what I meant,
I’m Dr. Suess faithful one hundred percent)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Reality Bites
When you think you’ve dodged a bullet
Or gotten a free pass,
Reality taps you on the shoulder
Then bites you in the ass.
Or gotten a free pass,
Reality taps you on the shoulder
Then bites you in the ass.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Kentosh
One of the great things about working in advertising is the fun, creative people you get to work with every day. I’ve met many remarkable writers and designers over the years. Some of the relationships ended when the job ended, some of them became dear friends.
My buddy Kentosh fell somewhere in the middle. I found out yesterday that she died.
I loved Kentosh, but we weren’t in each other’s inner circle of friends. I met her when I was in my twenties. When that job ended, we were only sporadically in touch. Happily, in the last ten years or so, new jobs, email and Facebook reconnected us. We’d do lunch or an occasional weekend get-together.
The last month or so, I noticed Kentosh wasn’t posting on Facebook. I wondered why. Her obituary in Sunday’s paper offered the explanation. She had suffered a series of strokes, starting after Christmas. I didn’t even know she’d been sick.
So Kentosh is on my mind and since I tend to write about things that are on my mind, here we are.
Her name was Karen Kentosh. All of us who worked with her back in the day called her Kentosh. I don’t know why.
Kentosh was a talented, meticulous writer and also a charming cartoonist. Her little drawings and characters always made me smile. We called her Kentosh, but I know her nickname among other friends was Toons.
Kentosh and I, along with a couple other co-workers, were founding members of an elite social group called the Hell Hogs. Hell Hog meetings convened at lunch or happy hour. This may surprise you, but the Hell Hogs were not always well behaved. We took extended lunches. We sometimes drank at lunch. We lied about birthdays so we could get free dessert. We were loud. We thought we were hysterically funny but in reality we were probably obnoxious. It was so much fun and I still have my Hell Hog badge.
In the early days, Kentosh and I decided we should quit the advertising biz and open our own bar: Tosh & Gioff’s. Sadly, plans never progressed beyond the name.
Kentosh was about ten years older than I. When we first met, I thought she was the coolest person ever. Funny. Irreverent. Daring.
As we matured, I began to also appreciate her intelligence, her passion for politics and the environment, and her compassion for others.
This past September, Kentosh, two other Hell Hogs and I tried to organize a mini reunion. It didn’t happen, and that's a shame. It would have been great to hang with Kentosh one more time.
Kentosh Self Portrait
My buddy Kentosh fell somewhere in the middle. I found out yesterday that she died.
I loved Kentosh, but we weren’t in each other’s inner circle of friends. I met her when I was in my twenties. When that job ended, we were only sporadically in touch. Happily, in the last ten years or so, new jobs, email and Facebook reconnected us. We’d do lunch or an occasional weekend get-together.
The last month or so, I noticed Kentosh wasn’t posting on Facebook. I wondered why. Her obituary in Sunday’s paper offered the explanation. She had suffered a series of strokes, starting after Christmas. I didn’t even know she’d been sick.
So Kentosh is on my mind and since I tend to write about things that are on my mind, here we are.
Her name was Karen Kentosh. All of us who worked with her back in the day called her Kentosh. I don’t know why.
Kentosh was a talented, meticulous writer and also a charming cartoonist. Her little drawings and characters always made me smile. We called her Kentosh, but I know her nickname among other friends was Toons.
Kentosh and I, along with a couple other co-workers, were founding members of an elite social group called the Hell Hogs. Hell Hog meetings convened at lunch or happy hour. This may surprise you, but the Hell Hogs were not always well behaved. We took extended lunches. We sometimes drank at lunch. We lied about birthdays so we could get free dessert. We were loud. We thought we were hysterically funny but in reality we were probably obnoxious. It was so much fun and I still have my Hell Hog badge.
In the early days, Kentosh and I decided we should quit the advertising biz and open our own bar: Tosh & Gioff’s. Sadly, plans never progressed beyond the name.
Kentosh was about ten years older than I. When we first met, I thought she was the coolest person ever. Funny. Irreverent. Daring.
As we matured, I began to also appreciate her intelligence, her passion for politics and the environment, and her compassion for others.
This past September, Kentosh, two other Hell Hogs and I tried to organize a mini reunion. It didn’t happen, and that's a shame. It would have been great to hang with Kentosh one more time.
Kentosh Self Portrait
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A.T. Disney
Last night I attended a presentation on the Appalachian Trail given by a man named Ryan who actually walked the entire Appalachian Trail. Do you know what that means? That means this man traveled from Georgia to Maine on foot. Over 2,000 miles - let me say it again – on foot.
Ryan said only 15% of people who set out to hike the entire A.T. actually manage to do so. I’m guessing the percentage of people who even consider the notion to start with is pretty small. You know why? Because it’s hard. You wouldn’t believe some of the trials and tribulations this guy had.
The A.T. is maintained by a conservancy group that paints white trail markers on trees and erects a few huts and privies along the trail. Sometimes these little camps even provide a water source. As good intentioned as the conservancy is, I’m here to tell you: It’s not enough.
Hey Appalachian Trail conservancy – you want more visitors? You want to make some money? Then I suggest you get Disney to take over. Here’s why:
Monorails. Go to Disney World and you’ll see a lot of people walking from ride to ride, but you don’t see them making the trek from park to park. Nobody wants to walk from the Magic Kingdom to Epcot. Even fewer want to walk from Georgia to Maine. Picture it: The Monotrail. If any tree-huggers think monorails would spoil the natural beauty of the A.T., then at least they should get moving walkways like at the airport. Plant ferns next to them and they’d be practically invisible.
Hotels. Disney knows that when you’ve been on your feet all day (or most of the day, if you take the monotrail) you’d probably prefer a shower and a comfortable bed over an outhouse (if you’re lucky) and a sleeping bag spread on the ground. In Florida alone Disney operates 20 themed hotels including the Animal Kingdom Lodge and the Wilderness Lodge. Clearly Disney can do outdoors without it being so damn outdoorsy. I bet they could even design a toilet that looks like a pit dug under a tree but has the added benefit of flushing.
Refreshments. People who through-hike the A.T. have to carry their own food. I’m not talking about a granola bar or bunch of grapes in a paper bag. I’m talking about carrying enough food for anywhere from four to twelve days in a backpack. That's heavy. And, unless you want to carry a refrigerator that is even heavier, your food options are limited. Hikers also have to tote chemicals or a filtration system to process water from nearby lakes and streams just so it’s fit to drink. You know, a Snapple or cherry Icee is always fit to drink, and what hiker wouldn’t appreciate a soft pretzel or some nachos?
Animals. Ryan said he saw a lot of animals on the A.T., especially snakes. In Pennsylvania, there was one very rocky segment of the trail where he saw and heard lots of rattlesnakes. The Disney solution? Animatronics. Kill all those real snakes and replace them with robot snakes. The rattlesnakes in Pennsylvania would still be scary, but they wouldn’t bite and kill you. Disney might even consider just using playful, singing snakes like in The Jungle Book. Sure, the A.T. gives you the opportunity to spot wildlife like deer, bears and rabbits, but wouldn’t you rather see Bambi, Baloo and Thumper? I know I would.
Souvenirs. What’s a vacation without a few mementos? Okay, Ryan had some nice photos of himself by rivers and cliffs. He saw a couple spectacular sunsets. But does he have a baseball cap that says “A.T. Phone Home?” Does his dad have a t-shirt that says “My Son Hiked the Appalachian Trail and All I Got is this Stupid T-Shirt?” No, they do not. It's a niche just waiting to be filled.
So there you have it. There’s obviously a lot of opportunity to make the A.T. a destination hotspot for more than just a few shaggy hikers. It just requires people of vision, like Walt and me.
Ryan said only 15% of people who set out to hike the entire A.T. actually manage to do so. I’m guessing the percentage of people who even consider the notion to start with is pretty small. You know why? Because it’s hard. You wouldn’t believe some of the trials and tribulations this guy had.
The A.T. is maintained by a conservancy group that paints white trail markers on trees and erects a few huts and privies along the trail. Sometimes these little camps even provide a water source. As good intentioned as the conservancy is, I’m here to tell you: It’s not enough.
Hey Appalachian Trail conservancy – you want more visitors? You want to make some money? Then I suggest you get Disney to take over. Here’s why:
Monorails. Go to Disney World and you’ll see a lot of people walking from ride to ride, but you don’t see them making the trek from park to park. Nobody wants to walk from the Magic Kingdom to Epcot. Even fewer want to walk from Georgia to Maine. Picture it: The Monotrail. If any tree-huggers think monorails would spoil the natural beauty of the A.T., then at least they should get moving walkways like at the airport. Plant ferns next to them and they’d be practically invisible.
Hotels. Disney knows that when you’ve been on your feet all day (or most of the day, if you take the monotrail) you’d probably prefer a shower and a comfortable bed over an outhouse (if you’re lucky) and a sleeping bag spread on the ground. In Florida alone Disney operates 20 themed hotels including the Animal Kingdom Lodge and the Wilderness Lodge. Clearly Disney can do outdoors without it being so damn outdoorsy. I bet they could even design a toilet that looks like a pit dug under a tree but has the added benefit of flushing.
Refreshments. People who through-hike the A.T. have to carry their own food. I’m not talking about a granola bar or bunch of grapes in a paper bag. I’m talking about carrying enough food for anywhere from four to twelve days in a backpack. That's heavy. And, unless you want to carry a refrigerator that is even heavier, your food options are limited. Hikers also have to tote chemicals or a filtration system to process water from nearby lakes and streams just so it’s fit to drink. You know, a Snapple or cherry Icee is always fit to drink, and what hiker wouldn’t appreciate a soft pretzel or some nachos?
Animals. Ryan said he saw a lot of animals on the A.T., especially snakes. In Pennsylvania, there was one very rocky segment of the trail where he saw and heard lots of rattlesnakes. The Disney solution? Animatronics. Kill all those real snakes and replace them with robot snakes. The rattlesnakes in Pennsylvania would still be scary, but they wouldn’t bite and kill you. Disney might even consider just using playful, singing snakes like in The Jungle Book. Sure, the A.T. gives you the opportunity to spot wildlife like deer, bears and rabbits, but wouldn’t you rather see Bambi, Baloo and Thumper? I know I would.
Souvenirs. What’s a vacation without a few mementos? Okay, Ryan had some nice photos of himself by rivers and cliffs. He saw a couple spectacular sunsets. But does he have a baseball cap that says “A.T. Phone Home?” Does his dad have a t-shirt that says “My Son Hiked the Appalachian Trail and All I Got is this Stupid T-Shirt?” No, they do not. It's a niche just waiting to be filled.
So there you have it. There’s obviously a lot of opportunity to make the A.T. a destination hotspot for more than just a few shaggy hikers. It just requires people of vision, like Walt and me.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Link Ball Sweater
At work, we get a lot of email from customers. There’s a department devoted to handling it, and they send out a weekly report with the top and bottom rated items, along with customer comments.
I read the following in this week’s report. The only thing I edited is the woman’s name and address.
Get ready.
Rolled cuff sweater WHITE I BROUGH THIS WHITE SWEATER SIZE 14-16 I WORN IT SO I WASH IT IN COLD WATER ONLY THE SWEATER WHEN I TOOD IT OUT THE WASH IT WAS ALL LINK BALL AM A VERY BIG CUSTOMER OF LANE BRYANT AND THAT THE FIRST TIME THAT I EVERY GOTTEN SOMETHING FROM LANE BRYANT AND IT MESS UP LIKE THAT. I REALLY LOVE MY SWEATER HAD SO MANY COMPAREMENT ON IT NOW I CAN NEVER WEAR IT AGAIN AND THAT REALLY HURT. MY NAME IS… I HAVE THE CAPRI BREEZE BUT NOW I'AM DON'T KNOW TO WEAR IT OR NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT IT TO MESS UP WHEN IT COME TO WASHING IT. THANK YOU
Don’t you love it? Me too. So being the smart ass that I am, I sent an email to a few like-minded co-workers. The string that followed had me laughing out loud at my computer. The subject line was “wtf??”
Jean: Some of our customer comments just kill me. But, to be fair, I too hate it when my sweater gets all link ball.
Meghan: What’s a comparement?
Alexis: Wow. Can we please pass some sort of code that says you can only leave a comment if you passed third grade English?
KT: NOTHING MAKE ME YELL like a link ball sweater.
Linda: LOL!!! That was funny. But seriously – WTF?
Jenn: Meghan - Maybe it’s the opposite of “compliments”? I can’t stop laughing. That’s just nuts. Why is every single verb either misspelled or in the wrong tense? Don’t they teach grammar in Charlotte NC ?
I don’t know, maybe you had to be here. But "NOTHING MAKE ME YELL like a link ball sweater" has had me laughing all day.
I read the following in this week’s report. The only thing I edited is the woman’s name and address.
Get ready.
Rolled cuff sweater WHITE I BROUGH THIS WHITE SWEATER SIZE 14-16 I WORN IT SO I WASH IT IN COLD WATER ONLY THE SWEATER WHEN I TOOD IT OUT THE WASH IT WAS ALL LINK BALL AM A VERY BIG CUSTOMER OF LANE BRYANT AND THAT THE FIRST TIME THAT I EVERY GOTTEN SOMETHING FROM LANE BRYANT AND IT MESS UP LIKE THAT. I REALLY LOVE MY SWEATER HAD SO MANY COMPAREMENT ON IT NOW I CAN NEVER WEAR IT AGAIN AND THAT REALLY HURT. MY NAME IS… I HAVE THE CAPRI BREEZE BUT NOW I'AM DON'T KNOW TO WEAR IT OR NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT IT TO MESS UP WHEN IT COME TO WASHING IT. THANK YOU
Don’t you love it? Me too. So being the smart ass that I am, I sent an email to a few like-minded co-workers. The string that followed had me laughing out loud at my computer. The subject line was “wtf??”
Jean: Some of our customer comments just kill me. But, to be fair, I too hate it when my sweater gets all link ball.
Meghan: What’s a comparement?
Alexis: Wow. Can we please pass some sort of code that says you can only leave a comment if you passed third grade English?
KT: NOTHING MAKE ME YELL like a link ball sweater.
Linda: LOL!!! That was funny. But seriously – WTF?
Jenn: Meghan - Maybe it’s the opposite of “compliments”? I can’t stop laughing. That’s just nuts. Why is every single verb either misspelled or in the wrong tense? Don’t they teach grammar in Charlotte NC ?
I don’t know, maybe you had to be here. But "NOTHING MAKE ME YELL like a link ball sweater" has had me laughing all day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
