Sweet Tap-Dancing Jesus

I'm offering this phrase up to you because I love it and I want to share it - kind of like Oprah's Favorite Things.

Sweet Tap-Dancing Jesus.

I saw the phrase "Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ" on a "best of" Craig's List car ad. It was used as a superlative:

JESUS
TAP-DANCING
CHRIST
Never in your life has a car made you so appealing to the opposite sex.
(it's a good ad,  check it out )

Never one to shy away from a good turn of phrase, I decided to use it for comic effect whenever I could. My mind, however, turned the phrase a little more.

Sweet Tap-Dancing Jesus. It's better my way, isn't it?

Here are a few ways you can pepper it into your own conversations:

For OSU football games - Sweet tap-dancing Jesus did you see that catch?

While shopping - Sweet tap-dancing Jesus that is one ugly sweater.

At work - Sweet tap-dancing Jesus, will this day ever end?

Complimenting your children - Sweet tap-dancing Jesus, you got an A!

Talking to me: Sweet tap-dancing Jesus, Jeano, that's the best phrase I've ever heard. It should be in the dictionary under "brilliant!"

Enjoy.

The Little Swede

A friend of mine has a grandson, Alex, who lives in Sweden. Pretty much from the date of his birth we've referred to him as "the little Swede." I finally got to meet Alex, now 10, at dinner last night.

He's a good looking boy with fair skin and straight blonde hair. His English is excellent and he speaks with only a slight accent. He was dressed in a tee shirt with a skateboard graphic and an oversized ball cap - apparently the universal wardrobe of 10-year-old boys.

We ate at CiCi's Pizza. It's a pizza and pasta buffet with the added bonus of a small game room. I had never been there before but it was highly recommended as a place kids love and adults tolerate. We'd tolerate it more if they served alcohol. About the time Alex was on his 3rd plate of pizza he declared: "In the future, I think all restaurants should be just like this one." High praise indeed.

Other conversations with Alex:

Me: Do you have a pet back in Sweden?
Alex: Yes, a dog.
Me: What's his name?
Alex: It's in Swedish.
Me: Tell me anyway.
Alex: Eddie.


As we were about to play a game of air hockey:
Alex: Nobody has ever beaten me at air hockey.
Me: Aw, that's a shame it's going to happen while you're on vacation.
(Nothing like trash-talking a 10 year old. He did go on to beat me soundly, fair and square. His record is intact.)


In my car with the top down. Alex was in the back seat. It was hard to hear.
Me: Why don't you teach me some Swedish words?
Alex: Like what?
Me: Like how do you say hello in Swedish?
Alex:  You can say "hi" or "hey"
Me (laughing because I couldn't hear very well but it was obviously the same in English): WHAT?
Alex (very slowly and patiently to the stupid deaf woman in the front seat): You can say "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" or "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey."

Got it.

So that's it. Hej da for now. (Which is "goodbye" and Alex pronounced it something like "hey duo" which sounds Italian to me but I'll take the kid at his word.)

Cowboy Names

I wasted a lot of time Saturday watching old John Wayne movies on AMC. I couldn't tell you the exact movies without doing research which I'm not inclined to do. They're pretty much the same anyway. John Wayne's a cowboy or John Wayne's a soldier. In these, he was a cowboy. The first movie had a very young James Caan in a supporting role as the greenhorn upstart cowboy and his name was Mississippi. The next movie had a young Ricky Nelson (sadly there was never an old Ricky Nelson) in the same supporting role, and his name was Colorado. I expected to meet Dakota or Nevada in the next movie but I didn't. It was Johnny (played by Ron Howard). I started wishing I could meet a cowboy named Vermont or New Hampshire. Men from those states had to go west, right? And what about Georgia or Virginia? That would have given those John Wayne movies an entirely different tone.

The Cow Poetry Commonplace Book

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Albert Camus


Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter.
African Proverb


In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost


If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Anonymous


The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
Bertrand Russell


Nothing primes inspiration more than necessity.
Rossini


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin


Deep within the soul of the lonely caged bird
Beats the rhythm of a distant forest
Etched upon its broken heart
The faded memory of flight. 
Ginni Bly


A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Pioneer Girls Leaders’ Handbook


I, myself, have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is. I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute.
Rebecca West

So many gods, so many creeds,
so many paths that wind and wind,
while just the art of being kind
is all the sad world needs.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox


How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?
Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln

Commonplace Books

Here is a summary of what Wikipedia has to say about commonplace books:
 
Commonplace books were a way to compile knowledge, usually by writing information into blank books. They became significant in Europe around the 17^th century.

Such books were essentially handwritten scrapbooks filled with items of every kind: medical recipes, quotes, poems, tables of weights and measures, proverbs, prayers, legal formulas. Commonplaces were used by readers, writers, students, and scholars as an aid for remembering useful concepts or facts they had learned. Each commonplace book was unique to its creator's particular interests.

I learned about commonplace books quite a few years ago and started filling a small tablet with any quote or saying that I came across and especially liked. I still have it and I still like it. More recently I’ve started doing the same thing digitally – I have a “commonplace book” document on my computer and copy into it snippets of writing that interest me.

It wasn’t too much of a leap, then, to decide to keep a commonplace book on my blog.

In fact, I think everyone should keep a commonplace book just for the pleasure of it. It’s not like journalling, which can be accompanied by a sense of guilt (at least for me), but it’s still reflective of your personality and personal interests.

Easy to access, easy to update, easy to share.

A lot like Pinterest, come to think of it.

Unexpected Bliss

Expectations decline.

Not a rut, a routine.

Work, home, eat, sleep.

An occasional departure

planned in advance.

Then suddenly,

unexpected bliss

anoints us like a blessing.

A fiery sunset sky

seen by eclipse,

a warm, whispered sigh

from a time thought passed,

an unbearably sweet smile

from a new-found friend.

Unexpected bliss.

Incandescent moments for which

we didn’t even know to hope.

English as a Second Language

A few funny (and disturbing) abuses of the English language -  

Directions on an online solitaire game:

"This game is not as scary as it sound it is quite the contrary! Spider Solitaire is an amazingly fun game. This is the spider solitaire game in one suit."

(These directions were not well written, it is quite the contrary!)


From Facebook:

"The older alum has been asking about The Memorial monument in front of the old high school honoring servicemen. Well here is what Marilyn M class of 67 has wrote in a message to Tom P class of 60"

(Jean G class of 73 has wrote off this entire post)


And, my old favorites, online customer comments from my place of employment:

"I have worn these paints six times. I have had to sew these paints twice at the seams. This is the second pair of tall paints I purchased lately that I have had to saw. Please keep the quality of the clothing well."

(She's wearing paints? Must be a Comfest-er)


"Cause I had purchase something in the store it would be ship to the store n I paid the next day ship n it don't come in 4 days later I was every upset cause I needed that for a weeding"

(Apparently she's every picky about what she wears in the garden)


"the bras givd goo soupoty "

(Say what?)


"i did buy a Bra but next day i ahve to change for a diferent size i went to the store with my recsive but the employee the day before did not put code correct tehy dont eant to exchange my bra the manager of the store treat me like i was a liar, i was stiling from the store, she did not even apologize, i have to argue with her for over one hrs to get my bra change, the other one bother me."

(I, too, hate it when I get treated like I was stiling, especially when it lasts over one hours)