Sleep Study

I'm going to a clinic soon for a sleep study. I saw my doctor in December for my annual physical. As always, she asked me a lot of questions about a lot of different things. Apparently a few of my answers caused her to be concerned that I have sleep apnea.

It never occurred to me that I might have a sleeping disorder, even though I do occasionally emit a delicate little snore. So delicate, in fact, that it occasionally wakes me up.

Fun sleep apnea facts: 1 in 5 adults have sleep apnea to some extent. 1 in 15 have sleep apnea that is severe enough to cause damage to internal organs, primarily the heart.

While I never considered a sleeping disorder, I do realize that I have sleep issues. Charming idiosyncrasies, really, as in I want to sleep in my own house, in my own bed, with my own pillows, sheets and blankets, with the TV on. Always with the TV on. It's white noise to me. I wear one of those movie-star eye masks to block out the light, though, because the light from the TV bothers me.

I know it makes no sense.

Against my better judgment but to appease my doctor, I saw a sleep specialist. She asked me a lot of questions about a lot of different things and said, yep, I think you have sleep apnea.

So a sleep study is in my future. Here's the drill:

My appointment time is 7:30 pm.

I will be assigned a room with a chair, TV and double bed. The bathroom is down the hall.

It will take approximately 2 hours to hook me up. I will have four wires attached to my head; a sensor in my nose; a sensor near my mouth; a belt with sensors around my chest; EKG patches on my chest; and another belt with sensors around my hips.

I can "relax" in the chair while all this is happening, eat a little snack (if I bring one) and watch a little TV. They suggested I bring a book, cards or crafts. (Seriously? Crafts? I'm fresh out of popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners.)

Around 10:00 or so they'll tuck me into bed, hook up all the wires to a computer, and shut everything else down. No lights (good) , no TV (uh-oh), and no clock (are you freaking kidding me?). When I asked the sleep specialist about the clock, she said "What do you need a clock for? You'll be asleep."

Sure I will.

Strange place, wires hooked up to my body, and audio/video monitoring to boot. I'm sure I'll drift off in no time.

I complained to my son about it and he said "Tell them it's not going to happen without half a bottle of wine, a box of cookies and cable."

He knows me so well.

I'll let you know what happens.