Monday, February 9, 2015

Love & Sunshine

I rarely shop for myself at Bath & Body Works.  I’m way above the age demographic and I don’t want to smell like fruit.

So I know it’s irrational that I hate the name of their newest fragrance enough to write about it.

That's right: Love & Sunshine.

Love & Sunshine with, dear god, a “Stop and smell the happy” tagline.

Love & Sunshine. That’s just freaking irritating. The store that sells Kitchen Lemon, Japanese Cherry Blossom and Warm Vanilla Sugar should not sell Love & Sunshine.

(What's that you're wearing? Do I smell Love & Sunshine?)

What’s next in the happy sappy continuum?

“Introducing our newest fragrance, Babies & Puppies.”

Kittens & Cumulus Clouds

Happiness & Low Humidity

Martinis & Mild Breezes (I might buy that one)

I know this is a rant. I’m done now. Thanks for listening.

Love and sunshine,
Jeano


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Best Thang I Ever Worn

After a long, long hiatus, here are a few more customer insights, gleaned from Facebook and online product reviews.


this was see threw, so im not comfortable wearing it to work and i did not try it on.
(guess she through us under the bus…)


IT DOES NOT FIT THE WAY IT FITS THE MODEL. BREAST SPLURGE EVERYWHERE. BREAST LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE ONE POINTING EAST AND WEST. NOT THE BEST BRA :(
(Breast splurge is the WORST. If it gets all link ball after she washes it, we may have a lawsuit on our hands.)


I shop for bra for the first time here. And I'm glad to say I'm very surprise and pleasure. Usually I hate bra, they bother me, but this one - it something.. :) I love design, love sexy look and size, everything just perfect!!!!. Thank you for care about me. :)
(Thanks. We think you something, too.)


Yeah I am agree too something take long time to download my email to show it the coupon they help me right away thank you so much I love it shopping on store or online
(I sincerely congratulate the person who was able to help you right away.)


I hadn't Been In your. Store. Be fore I all way wanted. To Go my friends said Is Some Nice. Thing There. And Good deal There well This week. I well Give. It of Try.
(We all. Way hoped You. To come.)


"im man! i use too wear cotton briefs & boxers! im man! im tired of rash!!as man gets!!roll up unfitted underwear! i went to seamless briefs they our so comforable even for man! best pait panties ever made! i will reffeard these panty to al man! to help build sales!! these our so comforable ! as man best thang i ever worn!!!i will buy much more panty i don;t care what others say!!! im man!! im very happy comforable with these panty thank you! by man!"
(Absolutely one of the best thang I ever read.)



Thursday, March 13, 2014

Jimmy the Local

I recently spent a week on Jekyll Island, Georgia with my buddy Pat. The condo complex we stayed in is right on the ocean. It wasn’t warm enough to swim, but it was sunny most days and plenty warm enough to walk the beach or sit outside and read.

There was a little restaurant within the complex called the Driftwood Bistro. We could easily walk to it, the food was good and reasonably priced, and as long as you ordered an entrée you could get a bottle of wine for $10. Needless to say, we ate most of our evening meals there. There was usually a 15 to 20 minute wait for a table, so we waited in the bar. If we got there before six, it was happy hour which meant $3.50 gin & tonics. What a happy little place.

One evening we went into the bar to wait and there was only one bar stool open, with men sitting on either side of the empty seat. Upon seeing us, the man to the right immediately jumped up and offered us his chair. The three of us chatted a bit with none of us sitting down, then another seat opened up so we officially bellied up to the bar: Pat, me and Jim.

Pat started chatting with the folks to her left, and I kept chatting with Jim. He was probably 40, a hippie throw-back with face stubble and a long ponytail streaked with grey. He was very friendly, absolutely non-threatening (like any good hippie), and a little bit goofy, maybe stoned (like any good hippie). He lived on the island and it was his night off from working in a different restaurant. 

Our conversation was pleasant enough, but sometimes very disjointed. For example:

Jim: (after we'd talked about where I'm from): See her? (He points to a bartender) She lives down the street from Mary.

Me: Oh? Who's Mary?

Jim: (incredulous) You don't know Mary?

Me: Jim, I don't know ANYONE.

Jim: Oh yeah. Right.

Like I said, kind of rambling but not uninteresting. Anyway, at one point, Jim looked at me and said - and this is a direct quote:

“I'm not trying to pick you up or anything, ma'am, but do you want to go out and party?”

Oh Jim. Seriously? “Ma'am” and “do you want to go out and party” do not belong in the same sentence.

I politely declined and we continued to chat until Pat’s and my table was ready. 

Maybe that was a bad decision. It could have been a vacation highlight.

By the way, our waitress that night was Mary. THE Mary. I mentioned meeting Jim in the bar and she said “Oh, you mean Jimmy? He’s what we call a local character.” 

He’s been known to us as Jimmy the Local ever since.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

How I Know I'm Getting Old

I wrote a cranky Facebook post about the incorrect grammar usage in the title “America’s Got Talent.” 

“You’ve Got Mail” came out in 1998. I was 15 years younger and not nearly as incensed.

I saw Bonnie McKee perform on Good Morning America. I had no idea who she was and I Googled her just so I could complain to my co-workers about her trashy outfit.

Pretty soon I’ll be yelling at my co-workers to turn down that music! And get off my lawn!

I went to see a 1950’s exhibit at the Ohio Historical Society. The main draw for me was being able to walk through a Lustron house. In one of the metal drawers in that Lustron house was a small paper book pasted full of S&H Green Stamps. I mentioned this to three co-workers at lunch. Not one of them knew what I was talking about. Not one.

I need to stop talking so much around my co-workers.

I’d like to say that my grandmother collected S & H Green Stamps, and maybe she did. But I did, too, and I used them to get a card table and four folding chairs right after I got married.

See, you got stamps when you bought groceries. You saved them in a book until you had enough to redeem them and – oh, the hell with it. You don't care.

I was looking at my bill from a recent trip to the dermatologist and one diagnosis was “solar lentigines.” She hadn’t mentioned that, so I Googled it, too. It’s liver spots. That’s right, liver spots.

I look at all these “solar lentigines” on my hands and wonder if they still sell Porcelana. I’m willing to bet money  you don’t even know what Porcelana is.

Why don’t you Google it, whippersnapper?



Thursday, July 11, 2013

Righteous Underpants

My sweet granddaughter Emily spent the night with me last week. As we were getting dressed in the morning - well, let me first tell you that she thinks it's funny when she gets dressed in my bedroom and I get dressed in the walk-in closet. She always turns the closet light off, I always yell and complain, everyone has a good time. Last week, however, I had more trouble than usual finding my clothes in the dark so I came out of the closet (so to speak) in my panties and bra.

I wish you could have seen the look of bewilderment on her face. "Jeano! Why does your underwear go up so high?"

Emily had never heard the expression "granny panties." That's not right. Girls need to know they have options and it's to them that I dedicate this song:


Granny Panties
(sung to the tune of You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling)

You'll never see a thong anytime that I sit by you-oo-oo
And there's no hint of lace or a bow to come peekin' through-oo-oo
Bikini briefs are forgotten
And baby, baby they're cotton!

I'm wearin' graaaaaaaanny panties
Whoa-oh-oh granny panties
I'm wearin' granny panties
That go way...up...high...whoa-oh-oh-oh.

They're mostly black and beige but that's more than you want to know-oh-oh
And I wear bras that match, so I'm sure that I'm good to go-oh-oh
Now don't you think that I'm frumpy
'Cause baby, baby I'm comfy!

I'm wearin' graaaaaaaanny panties
Whoa-oh-oh granny panties
I'm wearin' granny panties
that go way...up...high...whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Rolling Billboard for Christ (or, can you say blasphemous?)


As I was driving to work this morning, I passed an interesting car. It was a beater, for sure. It was blue. Across the bottom edge of the trunk someone had hand-painted in large white letters: Who is this Jesus?

Below that on the bumper was: Jesus – Yes!

Then on the side I saw: Heaven or Hell?

I’m talking large white hand-painted letters – maybe seven or eight inches tall.

I started wondering what would possess someone to do that? (The holy spirit, you say?) I’ve decided it must have been a man. I think men are more about the grand gesture. Bigger is better and all that. It might have gone down like this:

Husband: I’ve been thinking about our Lord God Almighty.

Wife: Praise the Lord!

Husband: I want to help spread the Word!

Wife: Praise the Lord!

Husband: I think I’ll paint the Word on our car!

Wife: Say what?

Husband: Our car will become a missionary on wheels. A billboard for Christ!

Wife: You can’t be serious.

Husband: “Who is this Jesus?” That has a nice ring to it. It’ll give people something to think about while they’re driving.

Wife: You know what they'll think? They'll think you're nuts.

Husband: “Jesus – Yes!” I’ll keep the messages short, so they can be BIG. I’ll show people the Way.

Wife: Can't you do that with a bumper sticker? Or maybe by hanging a medal or two from the rearview mirror?

Husband: I've got it! “Heaven or Hell?” on the back passenger door!

Wife: Slow down, Bible Boy. You really need to rethink this.

Obviously, Bible Boy was not to be deterred. The rolling billboard for Christ is a reality. And it did get me thinking about Jesus.

Sweet tap-dancing Jesus to be precise.







Monday, April 29, 2013

Speaking of Birthdays

We were, weren't we? Talking about birthdays? At least we were talking about MY birthday which, sadly, tends to happen when one has control of the blog.

I've found that the older I get, the less I like birthdays. I like them to be acknowledged with more of a whisper than a bang.

That being said, here are a few reasons why my birthday didn't suck this year.

• I got a cow pie. see previous post

• I got nice cards and gifts in general. People are so thoughtful, even when you're old and surly about your birthday.

• At the end of each month, the admins in my office post on bulletin boards the names of people having a birthday or work anniversary the following month. In our department, I am happily the only April birthday so I was able to rip down the birthday posting before anyone got the chance to see it. Was I a poor sport? Probably. Did I avoid confetti on my desk and perfunctory birthday wishes from co-workers? You bet.

• The co-workers I am close to and who know it's my birthday without a bulletin-board reminder quietly brought in brownies and muffins anyway. How nice was that?

• I got a lot of Facebook birthday wishes. That's a relatively new thing for me in terms of my birthday, and I like it. You get nice little notes and comments from your friends and relatives to read at your leisure.

• On the actual evening of my birthday - not the weekend before or the weekend after - I had a nice, relaxing dinner at BW3 with my son Joey, his girlfriend Francisca, my daughter Chrissy, her husband Bryan, my sister and brother-in-law. A nice group. Casual. Fun. And, to make it even better, earlier that day my daughter had her second ultra sound and found out she is having a baby boy. So mixed in with my birthday gifts was a little blue onesie making the announcement. Except for Chrissy and Bryan of course, we all got the news together.

Here's a picture of the cute little guy, taken on my birthday (not his):




His name is Vincent. That's a profile of his sweet little head on the left and his giant belly on the right.

Now that's one birthday I am looking forward to.