Ode To Coffee

Oh coffee.

You stain my teeth

and coat my tongue

and I didn’t like you

when I was young

but now I crave you

every morning

I became addicted

without warning

to coffee.

Oh coffee.

Hot and steamy

from the carafe

sweet and creamy

with half and half

my morning nectar

in a paper cup

you serve me well

you wake me up

Oh coffee.

A Case Study In Targeted Marketing

I belong to one of those book clubs where you get a lot of books for free when you sign up and then you have to tell them every month not to send you any more.

I received an interesting email from them the other day. The subject line was "We've been thinking about you."

Now that I'm in the e-comm biz, I pay more attention to subject lines and email content than I used to, so I clicked it open right away.

This was the headline at the top: NEW & PERFECT FOR YOU.
(The use of caps is theirs, not mine.)

The support copy read: We want you to be the first to know about this new arrival that matches your reading interests.

Now I am interested. This email represents the beauty of e-comm marketing - looking at what you've ordered or declined in the past and tailoring an offer specifically for you. Target marketing. It's what Amazon does so well on their site.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the recommended book:

Penis Power
The Ultimate Guide on Male Sexual Health

Hmmm. Maybe just a little off-target in this case.

Happy Blog for Your Breasts Day

Just a couple quick thoughts now that it's October and Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer about 25 years ago. She had a large, egg-size lump in her breast that the doctor ignored for quite awhile because it hurt and, according to him at the time, cancerous tumors didn't hurt. She had a mastectomy, no chemo or radiation, and luckily is alive and well and cancer free.

My friends Linda, Betsy and Kay are all breast cancer survivors.

Face it, we all know someone who's had breast cancer.

I joined the Army of Women because I love the concept: Using the internet to find women to participate in breast cancer research. I haven't qualified for any of the studies so far, but you never know, maybe I will some day. (You don't have to have breast cancer to do that, by the way.) 

In the meantime, I thought I could at least participate in Blog for your Breasts Day.

To borrow a phrase from another breast cancer support group, it's time to save the tatas.

Why Teachers Don't Get Paid Enough

My daughter, who teaches high school science, shared this story with me. She has a new student in class as of yesterday – I don't know the young lady’s name – but she hadn’t yet been to school this year because she’s been in juvenile detention. She is currently wearing a “house arrest” ankle bracelet under her knee socks because she’s being charged with felonious assault. With a can opener.

That's probably better than felonious assault with a gun or knife, but a felony is a felony and my daughter is still wary. In fact, here's what she wrote to me:

"To look at the girl from the ankle up, she's sweet as pie. Cute, small framed, wore a pony tail and a headband. But look at her from the ankle down and all you see is a little square that says 'back off, bitch, I'll kill you with the first blunt object I can grab." 

Think about that the next time someone says "Teachers have it easy, they get the summer off."

Ode to Cupcakes

The mighty

Chai tea

cupcakes

are wonderful

stuff

When my buddy

Meghan

makes ‘em

I can’t get

enough

Thoughts and Memories: A Very Narrow View of 9/11

Mention 9/11 to me and I think of my former coworker, Bob.  He's the guy who's always in my answer to the question "Where were you when it happened?" We were working at Schottenstein’s, I walked past Bob's desk and he said “Brad (his partner) just called. A plane hit the World Trade Center.”

I no longer take peace for granted. I called my mom that day and told her to turn on her TV because “we’re being attacked.” I’d never had to say anything like that before in my life. It had never even occurred to me that I might.

I worry that I’ll have to say it again. Before 9/11, I lived in a world that felt mostly safe. I may have worried a bit about crime, but never about a war being fought on my turf, or about mass destruction and chaos. Another attack seems almost inevitable to me now.

Every morning before I go to work, I turn on the news as I’m getting ready. This started the day after 9/11, and I don’t think I’ve missed a day since. When the inevitable happens, I want to know it.

I still have bottled water and two boxes of emergency supplies in the basement: Duct tape. Batteries. First aid kit. Some – by now – very old peanut butter and canned goods. In my mind I know it’s basically worthless, but I feel better knowing it’s there.

I now have a deep-rooted respect for firefighters, police officers and those who serve in the military. I don’t always agree with the politics of these institutions, but the men and women who rush in where angels fear to tread are aces in my book and I'm grateful to them.

I love Rudy Guiliani and Tony Blair. Rudy held it together for us day after day. My daughter and I were watching TV together when Prime Minister Blair pledged Britain's support to the US and we openly declared our love for him right then. It felt good to have friends.

Overt displays of patriotism bring a tear to my eye. Before 9/11, hearing the National Anthem or seeing a color guard didn’t phase me a bit and now they do. I’m misty-eyed right now, just thinking about it.

Random Thoughts

My niece owns and works an organic farm in Florida. I saw her last night and she gave me a dozen farm-fresh eggs from a variety of different hens. Most of the eggs varied in color from beige to dark brown. Two of them were greenish blue. I fried two this morning - a green one and a tan one. They looked different from grocery-store eggs - the yolks were dark, almost orange. They tasted different - kind of richer and eggier. And - they kind of creeped me out.

My daughter's wedding reception was last Saturday. She was, without a doubt, the happiest bride I've ever seen. No tears, no tension. She danced, she laughed, she partied, she truly was the belle of the ball.

Speaking of the wedding, I wore a navy blue dress with a matching chiffon jacket that I thought was pretty and appropriate. Two different people told me they were glad to see I hadn't worn a "mother of the bride" dress. Is that a compliment? It didn't feel much like a compliment. I wore pearls with it for God's sake and if pearls don't say "mother of the bride" then I don't know what does.

Speaking of mother-of-the bride, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that during the course of the wedding weekend I went off on the father-of-the bride - twice. I was a little stressed, and he was a little obnoxious. It happened once when he suggested a change to the seating chart two weeks after I sent it to him and at the very time I was writing table numbers on the little placecards, and once, at the end of the reception, when he apparently thought because the DJ had quit playing and the lights were up, it was perfectly okay to smoke inside. He said I hadn't yelled at him as much since the day we got married.

Speaking of yelling, a woman I work with was fired Thursday. Let's call her Ann. Ann was not very good at her job, but she made up for it by being bitchy and underhanded. She also had a habit of screaming at people. She'd been talked to about it by her supervisor and HR, she'd been written up for it, she was on probation for it. Wednesday Ann went off on a co-worker - again. HR sent her home for the day, and fired her the next day. Ann texted a different co-worker afterward and said she was "shocked." Shocked? Really?  Note to Ann: YOU WERE ON PROBATION FOR YELLING AT PEOPLE! YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!

Speaking of Ann, she never once yelled at me. Good thing. I'd hate to go all mother-of-the-bride on her ass.